When I decided to put all my belongings into storage and take off on the road for a year, I had two huge fears. 1. Losing what I had. (mainly the great local business and yoga following) and 2. Being alone.
Having spent the past five years in a couple of long term relationships, single life just isn’t what I’m used to. Don’t get me wrong, single life can be fun AF. But while considering the logistic of the tour, I concluded that the probability of me finding someone to be with in a long term, monogamous relationship was pretty dang small. Of course, you never know (say all my kooky dreamer friends), but realistically, the odds are not in my favor as I’m moving every month. Oh, and by the end of the tour I’ll be thirty-fucking-five. Basically 80.
Anyway, giving up a year of staying in one place to potentially find a partner to settle down with seemed like a relatively small sacrifice to make for this epic adventure across the country to offer help and give back to various underserved populations, even though the thought of being alone was daunting. I started to make light of the situation, and joke around with friends that I would just find a boyfriend in every city. Why not. I even got the idea for a book (that who knows, maybe someday I’ll actually write) titled “How to Find a Boyfriend in 30 Days.” It would be research based, of course, since I’d be testing my method in every city.
This book research would essentially give me a viable reason to date, having concluded that finding a partner is not an option because of my present life circumstances. I recognized two possible outcomes: either I would write the best-selling book or I would fall in love and not have to write the book. Both awesome.
What I want to share with you is kinda a life lesson that I will now hold dear, even post tour. I was so concerned about having a reason or a POINT to meeting someone new. Either they would be book research, or could be my future husband. Whoa. And EW. Remove the fantasy book research. Take away the search for the next boyfriend. And then, what do you have?? You are left with this very compelling concept: that meeting up with someone new is never pointless. Let me repeat that for good measure: meeting up with someone new is never pointless!!
Whether it’s someone on a dating app that you don’t think is quite your style, or a person that you’re unsure of who slips you their number at a restaurant, it’s never pointless to go out with them at least once. I’ve made all the excuses in the book to NOT hang out with someone new. “Look at their SHOES, we would never get along.” “I’m too busy.” “They probably won’t like me.” The truth is, I usually make excuses just because the meeting is out of my comfort zone ( and for sure, there is a time and place for self-care and saying NO, but that’s not what I’m referring to here). Being on this tour where I’m living in cities where I don’t know anyone has thankfully created a situation where I’m more motivated to say YES to things. What I have discovered is that it is certainly NEVER pointless to meet up. I consistently learn something about myself, make a great new friend, enjoy a good conversation, learn something new, go home with a hilarious story, or ya know... am pleasantly surprised.
The connections I’ve made on this tour, big and small, have enriched my life in a myriad of ways that will stay with me forever. Many of my deepest realizations, moments of joy and opportunities for growth have come because I have told the excuses that pop up in my head "NOT TODAY" and just ventured out and showed up. Not to rely on a cliche, but seriously, it’s the journey not the destination. Hopefully, I can inspire just one person to say “YES” to the next person that asks you on that tinder date or to the potluck party invite where you only know one person, or to go to that new style yoga that you’re pretty sure you’re going to hate.
Doing something new is never pointless. I promise. Just show up.